This post is a transcript of an episode of my podcast, “Women Who Know.” This episode originally aired on October 12, 2022.
Hey guys! I hope you’ve had an awesome week! I still feel like I’m recovering from our trip and also dealing with post-vacation blues. I don’t know if that’s a real thing, but that’s what I decided to call it because I have been so sad since we got home haha. I miss the excitement of a vacation and being away from all the daily responsibilities here at home. But I will get through it haha! Maybe I’ll just start planning our next vacation to fill that vacation void 🙂
This week, I want to talk about one of my favorite sayings. When I was trying to remember where I first heard this saying, I struggled to figure it out! So I started trying to find it on Google, and I found the source where I first heard it, as well as some more information about it! So, the saying is, “Warts and all.” Yep that’s it haha, warts and all. This saying is most often attributed to a man named Oliver Cromwell in the 1600s. The story goes that Oliver Cromwell was having his portrait painted by Sir Peter Lely, and Oliver told him to “render his likeness warts and all.” Most of the websites I read about this on said that there wasn’t much evidence to it, but I thought it was interesting haha.
The Princess and the Frog
Where I first heard this phrase was in one of my favorite movies, the animated Disney version of The Princess and the Frog. This movie has been out since 2009 so I think I’m safe spoiling it, and if you haven’t seen it then you should! But to make a long story short, Tiana was dressed as a princess when a prince named Naveen, who had been turned into a frog, kissed her to try to become human again. Instead of that happening, Tiana turned into a frog, and the two humans-turned-frogs eventually fall in love. While they are still frogs, Tiana tells Naveen that she loves him, and he asks, “Warts and all?” And Tiana responds, “Warts and all.” I love that so much. I know I’ve heard it or read it from other sources too, but this was one of the most prominent. Anyways, I love what this saying entails. When my husband and I were dating, there was a time when he was talking to me about some struggles he was having and weaknesses he felt he had. I told him I loved him warts and all, and his eyes started to water. He told me that his mission president used to tell him that when he was struggling, and it meant so much to him that I said it to him at that moment. So that’s kind of become a favorite expression between us and a motif of our marriage. We still say it to each other when one of us is feeling overwhelmed by our weaknesses. 🙂
This saying does not just entail physical warts and imperfections, but I also like to think of warts as a symbol for any weaknesses or shortcomings, even mistakes and sins. The Lord commanded us, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” (Matthew 22:37-39). The Lord did NOT say, “love thy neighbor as thyself…unless they are imperfect or make a mistake or sin or you disagree with them or they look a certain way or they bother you somehow.” Haha! He said to love them and gave no out, no escape or excuse. That is how He loves us, after all. He knows all of our weaknesses and mistakes and sins, and He still loves us more than we can possibly understand.
So, we are commanded to love our neighbor, and our closest and most important neighbor is our spouse! We are to love them unconditionally, regardless of mistakes they make or shortcomings they have. And it’s important to note that ALL humans have shortcomings and weaknesses and we ALL sin. There is not a single person on this earth who is perfect. So no matter who you are, you and your spouse are both imperfect. If we married a perfect spouse then it would be easy to love that person, right? Why would we need a commandment to love each other if loving each other was easy? It’s not easy; it’s extremely difficult because we are all imperfect. But it is still a commandment, so God knows that we can do it with His help.
two imperfect people
President Russell M. Nelson once said, “An ideal marriage is a true partnership between two imperfect people, each striving to complement the other, to keep the commandments, and to do the will of the Lord.” (Nelson, Russell M. (April 1999). “Our Sacred Duty to Honor Women.”) I love that. I love that it says two imperfect people who strive to complement the other. President Nelson did not say that it was the job of a husband or wife to fix their spouse. To remove their warts. We do not get married in order to change someone or treat them like a project. We marry someone to love them, as they are. To draw together and draw near unto God together. Marriage is definitely a refining experience, and spouses have great influence on each other for good – but we will come to resent our marriage and our spouse if we spend all of our time trying to change them.
Elder Robert D. Hales once said, “…none of us marry perfection; we marry potential.” (Hales, Robert D. (October 2015). “Meeting the Challenges of Today’s World.”) That potential in our spouse can’t grow if we are constantly criticizing, belittling, and trying to change it. Love your spouse, as they are, warts and all, and watch them bloom. President Howard W. Hunter once said, “Marriage is like a tender flower…and must be nourished constantly with expressions of love and affection.” (Hunter, Howard W. (October 1994). “Being a Righteous Husband and Father.”) President Spencer W. Kimball said, “We need to make the marriage relationship sacred, to sacrifice and work to maintain the warmth and respect which we enjoyed during courtship. God intended marriage to be eternal, sealed by the power of the priesthood, to last beyond the grave. Daily acts of courtesy and kindness conscientiously and lovingly carried out, are part of what the Lord expects.” (Kimball, Spencer W. (October 1978). “Hold Fast to the Iron Rod.”) Be kind and loving in your marriage. Love your spouse, and don’t get hung up on their mistakes and shortcomings. We all have them. Love each other, warts and all.
all of us imperfect
Next I want to talk about loving each other, warts and all, in any relationship. Loving our neighbor includes all of God’s children, our brothers and sisters. And again, none of us are perfect. Elder Holland once said, “…be kind regarding human frailty – your own as well as that of [others]. Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we.” (Holland, Jeffrey R. (April 2013). “Lord, I Believe.”) God loves us, warts and all. And He expects us to do the same of our brothers and sisters. We don’t give up on each other. We don’t stop seeing family members just because we have different opinions or don’t get along perfectly well. Contention happens in families; contention brings opportunities for forgiveness, humility, repentance, and greater love. We shouldn’t give up on the people we are sealed to for eternity just because we get offended or because of shortcomings or sins. We need to love each other, warts and all, especially within families.
lay down that heavy burden
I mentioned last week that one of the themes that I noticed throughout General Conference was that of charity. That is what sparked this episode. In conference, Sister Dennis said, “We are commanded to love others, not to judge them. Let’s lay down that heavy burden; it isn’t ours to carry. Instead, we can pick up the Savior’s yoke of love and compassion.” (Dennis, J. Anette. (October 2022). “His Yoke Is Easy and His Burden Is Light.”) Love your families, warts and all. Love your neighbors, warts and all. The Savior IS love. He is always the answer. How do you deal with a struggling child? Love and Jesus Christ. How do you fix things between a family member? Love and Jesus Christ. In the long run, will the little annoyances and shortcomings that we find in others really truly matter? Will we think back on our mortal lives when we are dwelling in eternity with God that we wish we had spent LESS time with our family members? Or will we wish that we hadn’t let such small, insignificant things get in the way of our eternal, sacred relationships?
Elder Marvin J. Ashton once said, “Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weaknesses and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.” (Ashton, Marvin J. (April 1992). “The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword.”) Having charity is so difficult, but we can do it with God’s help. In Moroni 7:48, it says, “…pray unto the Father, with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons [and daughters] of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him…” If we are to become like Christ, as we have been commanded to do, we are to be filled with charity. And we can be filled with charity if we pray for it and act on it and do our best to emulate it. To emulate Him.
heaven’s sociality
One last quote I want to share with you comes from this most recent general conference. Elder Gong said something that pierced my heart. He said, “We find heaven’s sociality in each other.” (Gong, Gerrit W. (October 2022). “Happy and Forever.”) Heaven’s sociality. Isn’t that a beautiful vision? We don’t find heaven’s sociality in the things of the world or fame or hobbies or wealth or in isolation. We find it in each other. Elder Gong was referencing a verse in the Doctrine and Covenants when he said this, and it reads, “…that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy.” (D&C 130:2). Our relationships aren’t perfect here because people aren’t perfect. But we shouldn’t give up on each other. We can have true charity, the love of Jesus Christ, that sees past imperfections, weaknesses, and sins. We can work on and cultivate and nourish these eternal relationships with acts of kindness, every day. With forgiveness. With charity. We can love as He loves, and we will become more like Him when we do. We can love each other, warts and all.
