mothers who know

This post is a transcript of an episode of my podcast, “Women Who Know.” This episode originally aired on September 14, 2022.

Happy Wednesday my friends! We are back with another episode, and this time I wanted to talk about the reason behind my podcast’s name. I kind of touched on it in the introduction episode, but I want to really dive deep into it here. So let’s go!

mothers who know

Sister Julie B. Beck was the General President of the Relief Society of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 2007 to 2012. She was in this role when I graduated from high school and entered into Relief Society myself. She gave the talk, “Mothers Who Know,” when I was 16 years old. It was her first talk in general conference as the General President of the Relief Society. This talk touched my soul deeply, and it reaffirmed to me how much I wanted to be a mother when the time was right. I am so grateful for Sister Beck and how much she taught me and strengthened my faith during a very influential time of my life.

This talk is directed to mothers, but I also see how it can apply to women who are not currently mothers. I will mostly be talking about motherhood here, but I do think that even if you are not a mother at this time, you can benefit from this episode. Sister Beck starts off by mentioning the 2,000 stripling warriors in the Book of Mormon who were “men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him” (Alma 53:21). They later pay tribute to their mothers for their faith by saying, “Our mothers knew it” (Alma 56:48). The “it” here is that their mothers knew the truth of the gospel and the truth of a God who loved them infinitely.

Sister Beck says, “The responsibility mothers have today has never required more vigilance. More than at any time in the history of the world, we need mothers who know.” How much more true is this today? Just 15 years later, and the world has gone even further into darkness, confusion, and fear. The light of Jesus Christ is truly our only saving grace, and women and mothers must know that. She continues to say, “…mothers need not fear. When mothers know who they are and who God is and have made covenants with Him, they will have great power and influence for good on their children.” I often worry that I am not doing enough to prepare my children for the harsh realities of the world we live in. But if we are doing our best and holding to our covenants, our children will see and remember the influence for good we had on them.

Okay, so that was just the introductory paragraphs of her talk haha. Let’s get into the rest of it. She goes through 7 different characteristics of “mothers who know.” The first one is:

1: mothers who know bear children

I feel like this is a very controversial thing to say right now, right? The culture of the world tells us to do the exact opposite: children get in the way of your fun, your body, your career, your relationships, your happiness, your everything. The world would have us believe that having children ruins your life. Satan uses the hardships of motherhood and over exaggerates them with lies and deceit so that women will choose to not have children. Being a mother is definitely not easy, but it is such an amazing calling to fulfill. It is a refining and molding role to be in, so of course it has hardships and discomfort, but it shapes us into the women God needs us to be. I can think of no greater way to learn patience, faith, humility, and of course, love. Among many other things. President Ezra Taft Benson taught that, “in the eternal perspective, children – not possessions, not position, not prestige – are our greatest jewels.” In a society that tells you to only care about and love yourself, keep the eternal perspective in mind and remember that our children are our greatest blessings and are worth sacrificing for.

Sister Beck says, “…the value women place on motherhood in this life and the attributes of motherhood they attain here will rise with them in the Resurrection.” How beautiful is that? Not many things rise with us in the resurrection, but the value we put on motherhood and the attributes of motherhood we learn here? Those come with us. Those are things that are so worthy of our time – more worthy than any career or hobby or anything else you can think of. Those other things are still important, but their value and importance should never rise above that of motherhood. Those characteristics I mentioned before and any others we learn as mothers or as we value motherhood, are characteristics that we get to take with us. I am sure that is exactly how Heavenly Mother developed her motherly characteristics, and She is so proud of us as She watches us learn and grow into mothers like Her.

As for the women who are unable to have children in this life for whatever reason, you are so precious and so loved. Sister Beck mentions you and says, “Some women are not given the responsibility of bearing children in mortality….Women who desire and work toward that blessing in this life are promised they will receive it for all eternity, and eternity is much, much longer than mortality.” You are not forgotten. I don’t have the answers as to why some women are able to bear children and some are not, but I do know that our Heavenly Parents love all of Their daughters infinitely. Hold onto that love, and God will work miracles.

2: mothers who know honor sacred ordinances and covenants

I don’t know of anything that is more uplifting and faith-building for a mother than to work in the house of the Lord. Of course baptism and the sacrament are so important, and we must honor those ordinances. But I think that a mother, especially a mother of young children like myself, can find some of her greatest strength in the quiet, Spirit-filled rooms of the Holy Temple. Attending the temple has been the greatest escape from the world and the greatest refuge from the storms of life for me. Children are learning and growing, and that learning and growing can be very loud and messy and contentious at times – the temple is the exact opposite of that, and it is so refreshing and fulfilling to the soul. The temple endowment is truly strength-giving and spirit-lifting. If you have not been able to receive your endowment yet, no matter if you are a mother or not, I highly encourage you to seek to become temple worthy and then go. You will be so blessed, and you will feel so empowered.

Sister Beck says, “[Mothers] know that if they are not pointing their children to the temple, they are not pointing them toward desired eternal goals.” Mothers, you have so much power and influence to help your children get to the temple. There is no better place that they could be, no greater goal they could strive for. Go to the temple. Show your children how much you love the temple, and they will learn to love it too. They will be so excited to get to go there someday because they watched you go.

3: mothers who know are nurturers

“This is their special assignment and role under the plan of happiness. To nurture means to cultivate, care for, and make grow. Therefore, mothers who know create a climate for spiritual and temporal growth in their homes.” I especially love the word “cultivate.” One of the definitions of “cultivate” from Merriam-Webster.com is “to improve or develop by careful attention, training, or study: to devote time and thought to.” Do we improve or develop our children by careful attention, training, and study? Do we devote time and thought to our children and our parenting methods? I think these are great questions to ask about how we are doing in being nurturing mothers.

Sister Beck talks about homemaking in this section, and I do think that keeping a clean and orderly home can be helpful. However, if doing that comes at the expense of cultivating and nurturing our children and our relationships with them, I think it has lost its place in the priority list. A clean home is not more important than loving and caring for your children. Women have far too long been expected to do the 24/7 work of being a mother, as well as doing the full-time work of keeping a home spit spot clean, and I do not think that this serves women well. Do your best with your home, and it’s okay to have mess. Kids come with a lot of mess, and it’s the whole family’s job to keep the home in good condition – not just mom’s. Sister Beck says, “Working beside children in homemaking tasks creates opportunities to teach and model qualities children should emulate.” I 100% agree with this, and I believe children and fathers should be fully invested in homemaking since, you know, all of those people are living inside the home and making the messes…not just the mom. 😉

All of this to say, we should cultivate a home that is full of the Spirit and encourages spiritual growth. We should do our best to make our home like the temple, and I know the Lord will bless our efforts. Our Heavenly Parents do not want us to beat ourselves up over housework and cleanliness though, so please mamas…just do your best and don’t make yourself crazy over housework.

The last thing I want to share in this section is that Sister Beck says, “Helping growth occur through nurturing is truly a powerful and influential role bestowed on women.” Moms, just love your children. If you are parenting and acting from a place of love, then you are doing what God has asked you to do. You are being an amazing mom. The best way that we can help our children is to love them and be there for them.

4: mothers who know are leaders

“In equal partnership with their husbands, they lead a great and eternal organization.” I just love that. A great and eternal organization! That is exactly what the family is, and mothers and fathers are the leaders of that. We have been entrusted with SO much. That is why Sister Beck says it is so important for mothers to plan for their children’s futures – to be missionaries, to have temple marriages, for education. And mothers plan for spiritual education as well by planning family prayer, scripture study, and home evenings. Sister Beck continues, “Mothers do not abandon their plan by succumbing to social pressure and worldly models of parenting. These wise mothers who know are selective about their own activities and involvement to conserve their limited strength in order to maximize their influence where it matters most.” As moms, we try to take on SO MANY roles. Sister Joy D. Jones said, “Women wear may hats, but it is impossible, and unnecessary, to wear them all at once. The Spirit helps us determine which work to focus on today” (Jones, Joy D., “An Especially Noble Calling,” April 2020 General Conference). Take it one day at a time, sisters. Don’t spend all your time in one role wishing you were in a different one. Schedule time for each role so you can be present in each role, knowing you have time for your other roles already scheduled; and then do your best, and the Lord will bless your efforts. President Nelson said, “The Lord loves effort!” (Jones, 2020). And He will help you make up the difference.

As mothers, we have great influence in our families. I have noticed that if I wake up energized and excited to take on a new day, my husband and kids follow suit. If I wake up sluggish and just go straight to the couch in the morning…my husband and kids follow suit. Moms, you are the lifeblood of your home. You set the tone. It is a heavy responsibility, but it is one that God knew you could handle. He gave you the family you have because He knew you were exactly the leader that family needed. Some days, your best will look much better than others, and that is okay. You are enough because the Lord can help you make up the difference. 

If you are a mother who needs or wants to work outside of the home, please do not feel as if you are not still the leader in your home or that you are not a nurturing mother. Sister Jones said in the same talk, “The Lord’s loving influence through the Holy Ghost helps us know His priority for our progression. Heeding personal revelation leads to personal progression. We listen and act. The Lord said, ‘Ask the Father in my name in faith, believing that you shall receive, and you shall have the Holy Ghost, which manifesteth all things which are expedient.’ Our continuing role is to receive continuing revelation.” Every mother has a different path to take, and every mother has different roles to play at different stages of her motherhood. The Lord did not say that once a woman becomes a mother, that mothering all she will ever do. It is so important to continue to learn and grow yourself, and to follow the personal revelation you receive about what you are supposed to do. There is no one right way to be a mother, and as long as you nurture your children to the best of your abilities, you are doing what the Lord has asked of you. You are being an incredible leader.

5: mothers who know are teachers

And, Sister Beck says they are always teachers. She explains that a friend of hers told her that he did not learn anything at church that he had not already learned at home. I think that President Nelson has emphasized this greatly during his time as prophet, and his focus has been that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is “Home centered, church supported.” Church being reduced to two hours, the Come Follow Me curriculum, and more have all been to say that the gospel is to be taught, learned, and felt within the home. The home is the primary center of gospel learning – not church. It is so important for mothers (and fathers, but you know, we’re talking about mothers here) to teach their children the gospel. To share and live their testimony. Kids learn best through example, and when mothers are a good example of gospel living, that’s the best way their kids will learn to live the gospel.

6: mothers who know do less

I love this one. And I really need to work on this one. Sister Beck says, “They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children – more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all.” I think Sister Beck could probably see the effects that too much media and distraction can have on our children and families. How many times have you been to a family event where many people were just on their phones? Or maybe you were on your phone? There’s not a lot of that “togetherness” feeling when everyone is distracted by devices and media. I am guilty of doing this in my home, and I miss moments with my kids that could have been teaching opportunities or just opportunities for connection. It’s definitely something I am working on.

We spend so much time on distractions and consuming the “world’s goods” and keeping ourselves busy that we are missing out on real life. We are missing out on opportunities to strengthen our family relationships – another one of the few things that rises with us in the resurrection. I think women can especially get lost in this idea that they need to keep busy all the time. But it’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to be different than other families around you. It’s okay if your kids aren’t in 5 different extracurricular activities…or even if they aren’t in a single one. It’s okay if you say no to birthday parties and play dates and sports teams. I promise it is. What is more important is your family health and relationships. Your spiritual and physical health. Elder Holland says in his classic talk called, “Like a Broken Vessel,” that “Fatigue is the common enemy of us all – so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill. Physicians promise us that if we do not take time to be well, we most assuredly will take time later on to be ill.” I find that it’s really helpful for me to stop and take a look at my priorities several times a year. To really look at how I’m spending my time and readjust where needed, and do the same for my kids. When I have my priorities straight, I thrive and so do my kids. President Ezra Taft Benson once said, “When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives.” I have loved that quote since I was a teenager, and it always helps me to recenter and refocus on what matters most. Let’s be mothers who do less.

7: mothers who know stand strong and immovable

This is Sister Beck’s final point, and she talks about the importance of raising a righteous generation of sons and daughters. “Women who know and love the Lord and bear testimony of Him, women who are strong and immovable and who do not give up during difficult and discouraging times.” We are definitely in the latter days, and there are many difficult and discouraging things going on. But we do not give up. The Lord needs women and mothers to stand up and be different and share the gospel. The Lord needs women to talk of Christ and testify of Christ. The Lord needs women to stand up for and protect families. Sister Beck says, “Latter-day Saint women should be the very best in the world at upholding, nurturing, and protecting families.” I talked about this in my first episode, and I want to say it again here: Satan is loving the devaluation of being a wife and mother in these latter-days. He is loving the devaluation and destruction of the family. As mothers, we have to stand strong and immovable during the storms that rage against us and our families. Mothers are the glue that holds a family together. I do not say that to put all the family responsibilities on mothers because that is not how families work; but rather to say that a mother’s influence is unmatched. James E. Faust once said, “The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation.” (Faust, James E. August 2004, Ensign, “Fathers, Mothers, Marriage.”) We can use that influence to give our children a strong foundation in the gospel of Jesus Christ so that they will be able to withstand the adversary’s fiery darts and mighty winds.

next to the angels

In conclusion, I just want to say how much Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother love mothers. They are watching over us and lifting us up and helping us through every moment. We are partners with Them in raising Their spirit children. The First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints once said, “Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.” (Clark, James R, comp., Messages of the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 6 vols. (1965-75), 6:178.) Mothers have so much power and influence, and our calling as mother is not easy but it is so powerful and holy and refining. I can’t really think of any other calling in life that molds us into becoming like the Savior as much as motherhood and fatherhood. Which makes sense because the names we most use for God are Heavenly Father, and I don’t really know of any other name for Heavenly Mother. Their roles as our Heavenly Parents are Their most important work, and I love that we are learning to become like Them. Being a “mother who knows” is hard work, but it is so worth the effort. So let’s love our children and our role as mother, honor our sacred covenants and ordinances, lead, teach, and stand strong and immovable. I’ll talk to you next time!