This post is a transcript of an episode of my podcast, “Women Who Know.” This episode originally aired on September 7, 2022.
Hello! Thank you so much for being here. I hope you all had a great week. My week has been full of planning for our homeschool curriculum this year, and I just realized that I don’t think I’ve mentioned on here yet that I homeschool my kids. I switched them over to homeschool back in the early spring of this year, and it is incredibly challenging for me, but I am excited for a new school year. So obviously I’ve been thinking about children a lot while doing all this homeschool planning. Children are just so amazing, you guys, and today I want to talk all about them. Sister Jean A. Stevens, who is a former first counselor in the primary general presidency, once said, “Our Father in Heaven, in His great wisdom and love, sends His spirit sons and daughters to this earth as children. They come to families as precious gifts with a divine nature and destiny. Our Heavenly Father knows children are a key to helping us become like Him. There is so much we can learn from children.” (Stevens, Jean A., “Become as a Little Child,” April 2011 General Conference). I love learning from my kids, and I want to take the time to do that more often so I decided to do a podcast about how we can become more childlike.
In the New Testament in the book of Matthew, the Savior is on the earth and is asked by his disciples, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And do you know what Jesus did? He called a little child unto him, and put this child in the middle of all these people who were listening to His sermon. Jesus answered his disciples saying, “Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven,” (Matthew 18:1-40). That is so amazing to me. The greatest in the kingdom of heaven are children and those who become like children, and we can learn so much from them.
Kind of a side tangent, but I wanted to mention that in 1 Corinthians 13:11, it says, “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” I always thought it was interesting to have these two contradicting ideas: become like a child, but put away childish things. “Childish things” are not the same as the childlike characteristics that God wants us to have. I think childish things that we are to put away are things like only thinking of ourselves, depending on our parents for everything rather than becoming independent, not taking responsibility for our selves, our actions, and our feelings, etc. Things that are normal and age-appropriate for childhood because kids are not capable of these things yet. When we become adults, we ARE capable, and we don’t have the excuse of childhood anymore. So, I’ve come up with a list of five reasons why God would want us to be childlike and why we would benefit from becoming more childlike. Now, I realize that not ALL kids are like this, and there are always exceptions. But I think on average, these qualities are seen in children to varying degrees. So let’s get started.
1. children are willing to forgive, and they forgive quickly
For those of you who have kids or have been around kids or work with kids or have been a kid (that should cover about everyone, right? Haha) then you know that children are so forgiving. There are times when I lose my temper at one or multiple of my children, and they often forgive me before I even apologize. In D&C 64: 9-10, the Lord says, “Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses stands condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” So, the Lord doesn’t put limits on this and says that whatever trespasses our brother or sister has done, we have sinned GREATER if we do not forgive them. It is required for us to forgive all men and women. And children are so good at doing just that.
What is forgiveness exactly? One definition that I like is, “forgiveness is a response to being wronged that entails a change in which justified anger and resentment are freely given up.” My children’s anger is totally justified when I lose my temper at them, and yet they freely give those feelings up. Children are amazing and so so forgiving, and we can truly learn from their example.
Okay, let’s talk about another childlike characteristic. I LOVE watching children learn new skills. I love cheering them on and watching them become a little more independent. I love watching their faces when they take their first steps and then look right at you to see what you think, and when they see how excited you are, they realize how excited THEY are! And their faces light up too. But before they take those first steps and reach that excitement, what do they do? They fall. Literally over and over and over, every day. Some falls or worse than others, some falls hurt more than others. But no matter how many times they fall, those little babies just keep on trying until they can take a few steps. Then they fall after a few steps, and they keep falling…then they are able to walk. Then run, then jump, then all sorts of things! But throughout every single skill that kids learn, they are falling over and over again. And they never give up. So my number two:
2. children are willing to fail or be bad at things – OVER AND OVER – and they still don’t give up
Isn’t it amazing? How many times as an adult have you given up because something got hard or because you failed? How many times did you not even try in the first place because your brain TOLD you it was going to be hard? I have done that so many times! Somewhere along the way, we lose that determination. Sometimes it’s because we don’t want to experience the emotions that come along with failure. Actually, I think that’s probably most of the reason why we give up: feeling failure and all the emotions that tend to come with failure is so uncomfortable! But one of my favorite things that I have learned from Jody Moore (who is an amazing life coach and has the best podcast and book ever that are both called “Better Than Happy”) is that we need to learn to feel our feelings. Even our uncomfortable and negative ones. The more we avoid those feelings, the more anxiety we develop about emotions. We need to be really good at feeling our feelings, and we need to be really good at feeling negative emotions. Do you know who is amazing at feeling their feelings? KIDS!! All those tantrums and meltdowns?? All those screams of excitement and joy?? Children are willing to feel any and all feelings, so they are willing to try anything…and keep on trying! They aren’t afraid of feeling disappointment or sadness or fear. They aren’t afraid to feel happy or excited or elated. They feel those feelings, and they are good at it. Let’s be like kids. Let’s be willing to feel any emotion, including disappointment and failure. And let’s keep trying anyways. Don’t give up just because there are difficult feelings – you can do this! The kids in your life can teach you how. 🙂
Children don’t care what other people think. They don’t care about looking dumb or silly.
This is such a big one for me, you guys. I am a recovering people pleaser. And my recovery is taking a very long time haha. Because it’s taking me forever to stop worrying about what people think of me. But I watch my kids, and I love that they do not care what anybody thinks. They know that what other people think is none of their business! They stay in their own business. They’re busy doing what kids do. And you can do the same thing. Even when my 7 and 8 year old kids get embarrassed sometimes, they don’t ruminate in it and run it over and over in their heads, wondering what they could have done or said differently. They don’t put a hold on everything else in their life because they’re worried about what their friends think. They just move on and keep being their awesome little selves, and I just love it. I wish I could do that as easily as they can.
As I mentioned, I have been a people pleaser for a long time. Pretty much my whole life. Several years ago, I read 2 Nephi 4:34, and it hit me in a way that it hadn’t ever before. It says, “O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh.” When I read it that time around, I felt like the Lord was telling me that the only opinion of me that matters is His. I can trust His opinion of me – it’s perfect because He knows me perfectly. I cannot trust the opinions and judgments of other people because they don’t know me, and when I put stock into other people’s opinions of me, I am actually putting trust in them that belongs in God. Is this making any sense for any of you? I hope it does. The Lord “looketh on the heart.” He knows our hearts and minds and thoughts. He knows everything about us, and we can ask Him in prayer to know what He thinks of us. I promise it’s good.
So, concluding my third point, be unapologetically yourself like kids are. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks of you except for God. His is the only opinion that is complete and perfect, and not coincidentally, His opinion is the most kind and loving and nonjudgmental. Trust in Him and His love for you.
4. children are full of faith and enthusiasm
Do you know how much faith and trust it takes to be a young kid? Think about it. Kids are constantly told what to do and what not to do all day and all night. They don’t know all the consequences of life’s choices, but they are supposed to trust what their parents tell them. Kids are told to go to sleep in their own beds, away from their parents, and then they wake up, trusting that you’re there. When you take your kids to the dentist or doctor for a visit, those kids trust you and trust that you’re taking them somewhere safe. This is an amazing quality that children come with, and it is a heavy and important responsibility for parents to care for that faith and trust. We have been entrusted with these little humans who put all their trust in us. I am in awe of this sacred responsibility that adults have with the children in their lives, and I am devastated at the amount of adults in the world who break that trust with their children. It is a precious and fragile gift that we hold in our hands. Not just parents, but any adults who have children in their lives, which I think is most people. Don’t break that trust, don’t shatter their faith in you. In Matthew 18, we read, “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” God clearly takes it very seriously when one if His little ones is hurt by adults who know better. Please, please treat children with the same love and kindness that you wish to be treated with.
Okay that was a bit of a tangent, but I felt like I needed to share it. As well as faith, children are also full of enthusiasm. Everything is so exciting to them, right? Toddlers and young children especially. They are just so excited about life and all the little things and doing what their parents or any other adult does. I love this about kids! And I think adults would do well to follow their example. Have faith in God and in goodness and in life and in yourself. Trust that God has a plan for you, and that even if it doesn’t go the way YOU want it to, it will go even better. Trust that your Heavenly Parents are taking you to wonderful, amazing, and safe places. Trust that They are helping you grow and become your best self. Find the good in each day and in each little thing, even the monotonous things. We will find so much more joy and fulfillment in life if we can follow the incredible example of children in this way. Elder James M. Paramore is a former member of the Quorum of the Seventy, and in 1983, he gave a talk at BYU that is called, “Become as a Little Child.” In it, he said,
“…children are almost perpetually in motion, but in this we learn some valuable lessons. They seek new experiences, they have no pretense or scorn or condescension or pride. They are natural and warm and outgoing. They are excited about the smallest things, and as such, captivate our attention. They experience each day with newness, not building upon the difficulties of the previous day. They don’t even remember them. They teach us that spontaneity and excitement for life are essential to happiness and self-fulfillment, and really come from a loving God. Yes, they are the ‘stick that keeps things stirred up.’ They are anxiously engaged and enthusiastic. There is a total extension of themselves into all the dimensions of their lives. Each day is a wonderful, new, expanding experience, unencumbered by the previous day’s issues or troubles. Those troubles are forgotten, and new opportunities and joy and living are again theirs. The vitality of their lives in these things is a wonder to behold. If we can retain this great power, how blessed will be the days of our lives and all those who are around us!”
Paramore, James M., “Become as a Little Child,” May 8, 1983
Isn’t that an amazing description of children? Can you imagine what would happen if we as adults decided to think this way about children every day, rather than think of these qualities as tiresome or annoying? And if we as adults decided to feel the same way about life as children do and have this same enthusiasm? The world would be such a better place, don’t you think?
Okay, do any of you follow the Johnson files on instagram? They are a hilarious couple, and they post a lot of comedic videos on instagram and YouTube. They have a series of sketches and then came out with a music video a few months ago, and it’s all about when kids say, “Mom watch this.” My kids love saying that constantly, and these videos about it are hilarious. There’s a compilation of them on YouTube if you search for Johnson Files Mom Watch. Okay, so kids say “Mom watch this,” ALL. THE. TIME. For everything, even the weirdest and most random things like touching their tongue to their nose or something. Even my almost-2-year-old, she will start patting my arm and say “mom, mom, mom” and then I will look at her and watch her do something and say, “That’s so cool!” And then I look away. She will keep patting my arm and want me to watch it over and over. It’s adorable and also a little exhausting at times haha! But kids want their mom and dad to watch them do EVERYTHING! Why is that?? Well I think that it really comes from a place of kids seeking connection. These kiddos are ALL about connection with loved ones so my 6th and final point is this:
5. children’s top priorities are love and connection, and they constantly seek it
Elder James M. Paramore says in the same talk I mentioned above, “Children love with an almost perfect love, and if we can capture that in our lives forever, how blessed we would be, and how enriched our world would be.” Children love with an almost perfect love. What our kids want more than anything is connection with us and their loved ones. I don’t remember where I heard it, but years ago, I heard that misbehavior in kids is really just a sign of unmet needs. And most likely, the need they have is for more connection. Our kids need us to disconnect from our phones and connect with them. I still have a long way to go in disconnecting with my phone and the internet, but when I am consciously choosing to do so and instead connect with my children, magic happens.
When we as adults choose to connect with and love others, we are choosing to be like the Savior. Disconnecting from the digital world and developing in-person relationships and connections is so important. Being in families and having relationships with people is HARD. There can be so much drama and conflict, but I know that Heavenly Father put us in families for a reason. He commanded us to “love thy neighbor” for a reason. We are meant to learn from all of the hardships that come with families and human relationships, and I think that the biggest thing we are learning within families is how to love each other and forgive each other no matter what. And kids are AMAZING at loving and forgiving. They know that they need connection to other human beings, that it is a necessity for each and every human to have connections with other humans.
If you’ve ever taken a psychology course, you’ve most likely heard of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. There are 5 needs that form a pyramid shape, and each lower need on the pyramid needs to be met in order for the ones above to be met. Hopefully that makes sense. So the bottom tier of this pyramid is physiological needs – basic needs for physical health like food, water, sleep, etc. The next is safety needs, and the next is love and belonging. We need a sense of connection to other human beings. The top two needs on this pyramid are Esteem and Self-Actualization. These are both about respecting yourself and becoming the best person you can be, and love and belonging are required in order to reach that point. Dr. Sue Johnson is a psychologist who said, “Isolation is inherently traumatizing for human beings. We depend on our loved ones to support us emotionally and be a secure base as we venture into the world and learn and explore. The more we sense that we are effectively connected, the more autonomous and separate we can be.” We need each other in order to become our best selves. Isolation is traumatizing for human beings, and I think we’ve all learned that with the pandemic over the past couple of years. Look to the children in your life as wonderful examples of prioritizing love and connection.
The Savior loves children, and they can teach us so much. We are to be like little children if we want to enter the kingdom of heaven. Mosiah 3:19 reads, “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord teeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” This verse lists even more childlike characteristics that we can seek to develop. Put off the natural man and become as a child.
behold your little ones
In conclusion, I just want to say that children are wonderful. It is hard work to raise them, and they can be very challenging at times, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t wonderful. Being a parent is amazing and difficult. It’s not one or the other, it’s both, all at the same time wrapped into one big giant package of growth for parents. Sister Stevens said, “If we have a heart to learn and a willingness to follow the example of children, their divine attributes can hold a key to unlocking our own spiritual growth.” I love the visual of a key unlocking our own spiritual growth. We can learn so much from the children in our lives if we can see them as the Savior sees them. Jesus said to, “Behold your little ones.” Elder M. Russell Ballard commented on this, “Notice that He didn’t say ‘glance at them’ or ‘casually observe them’ or ‘occasionally take a look in their general direction.’ He said to behold them. To me that means that we should embrace them with our eyes and with our hearts; we should see and appreciate them for who they really are: spirit children of our Heavenly Father, with divine attributes” (Ballard, Russell M., “Great Shall Be the Peace of Thy Children,” Ensign, Apr. 1994, 59). Look at the children in your life, really behold them. They are not lesser than human beings, they are not second class citizens. They deserve love and appreciation and respect, just the same as adults expect to be given. We would do well to be more like these children, spirit children of our Heavenly Parents, who are loved and covered by the Savior’s Atonement and cherished by God. They are to be believed, loved, kept safe, and treated with dignity and respect.
I know that as we try to become childlike and treat the children in our lives the way we would want to be treated, we are doing what is pleasing unto God. Be the kind of adult you wish you had had in your life when you were a child. Love those cute little humans so hard. And have an amazing week, friends, I will talk to you next week!
